Poor Man's Shrimp

The best substitute for shrimp for the poor man is shrimp-on-sale. My goal in cooking is to make cheap foods taste like shrimp. I have succeeded with potatoes and cabbage. I can't really describe how it's done. I must show you. Come stay at our S&B (Shed & Breakfast). Even then you may still think I'm crazy. Why not just enjoy the natural taste of the potato or the cabbage head? I can't help myself. There's a fishward leaning bent to my nature.