Sunday Squibs (July 31)

  

Thinking that the grapes in your vineyard would not make good wine is the ultimate sour grapes.

Pre-Big Bang was the egg stage. Now we are larval or maggot. Purgatory will be pupal, and at last we'll be ready to flit, flutter, or buzz around Heaven. 

If a motel claims to be just like home, keep going. 

We must make a basic smell test to determine whether we’re in the presence of God or just in the presence of ourselves. 

We call our political opponents stupid, but intelligence is evenly divided across the spectrum. Application of that intelligence to our various fears is what makes all the difference. 

No nation will ever be great that charges for a second cup of coffee. 

Good writing gently corrals us readers to its logical conclusion. Bad writing forces us over an arid plain till we drop. 

When I’m confounded by science it’s a comfort to know the giant brains of Newton and Einstein were confounded too. 

The alcoholic smashes his last bottle on the bows of the good ship Sobriety. 

You can’t get away, you cannot escape. 

In life you are only a squatter. 

So be like the fly, when he wants to be safe,

Will land on the nearest fly swatter. 

If you see the universe in a grain of sand, you’ll never get the house cleaned before the guests arrive. 

In trying to save Sodom and Gomorrah from destruction Abraham was brilliant getting God down from fifty righteous people to ten. 

As it turned out there was no profit in bargaining with the odds maker. 

The voyeur of life just looks and he looks. 

The voyeur of the voyeur can at least write us some books. 

We are sometimes revulsed by our leaders’ acts before turning and saying just do it. 

The truth shall make you free. Though in some realms the free all sit in the liar’s prison.

My cogent and heartfelt explanations are called lame excuses by the boss who puts another letter in my file. 

Hatred is the new leprosy; a self-imposed exile from society. 

The art of mockery traces a line between giving your friend a hard time and getting a hard knock on your beezer.