Tuesday, March 22, 2011

What, Me Worry?

We do well to worry about China. I would worry too if I owed my bank my annual salary for the next three years. But let's not get carried away. Consider the following: China wants to dominate Asia, but has Japan to worry about as well as a host of assertive pups at her feet and the awakening giant India on her underbelly. We dominate two continents and all we have to worry about is Brazil. China is a big Brazil. Japan is a little United States. If you still must worry, read John Hersey's White Lotus. You might as well enjoy yourself while you fret.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Poor Man's Shrimp

The best substitute for shrimp for the poor man is shrimp-on-sale. My goal in cooking is to make cheap foods taste like shrimp. I have succeeded with potatoes and cabbage. I can't really describe how it's done. I must show you. Come stay at our S&B (Shed & Breakfast). Even then you may still think I'm crazy. Why not just enjoy the natural taste of the potato or the cabbage head? I can't help myself. There's a fishward leaning bent to my nature.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Seeking Harvard Dropout

Are you a disgruntled Ivy League computer genius who is looking to dump the academic scene as soon as he finds the idea for the next Facebook? Well I have that idea and I am looking for you. (If you are not a disgruntled Ivy Leaguer please stop reading here.) My idea is better than Facebook because it will make its creator incredibly rich. After you and I get filthy we will sell the site to Google so we can spend more time with our families. My idea is based on the rule that the stock market runs on two things: fear and greed. Everyday the market goes up or down. Down, based on reports of oil price increases, war, or tsunamis. Up, based on reports of fewer people filing for unemployment or better than expected sales of Tickle Me Elmo at Target. Your job is to write a program that will predict how the stock price of companies in the major indexes reacts to the daily news. Then we buy or sell that stock based on our findings. We also sell diet ads on the right side of the page. We'll have to start small. I can't afford to pay a salary, but you're free to use my garage and the local convenience store is looking for a night clerk. I've opted for Jeff Bridges to play me in the movie of our spectacular rise. Who do you want?
The working name of our website is NoocyT (tycoon backwards).

What's The Opposite of The Placebo Effect?

MALCEBO EFFECT: Physically experiencing all the side effects of the pill you are taking because you have read them on the warning label.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Does Anyone Remember Major Qaddafi?

Qaddafi was an army captain when he took over Libya. He is supposedly an all-powerful dictator. Why is it that in 42 years he has not gotten past the rank of colonel?