Friday, July 8, 2016

Handyman

Blessed be the handymen, for they shall do the work of the world

 My father had four sons. Two handy, two not. I am oldest and am not handy. Number two son is a carpenter which is another name for being handy. I will not declare number three son unhandy, but I do know he prefers to pay a handyman to do a job which leaves him free to study the Civil War. Number four son is a tugboat captain in New York harbor which requires its own kind of handiness.
 A handyman can be a SOB and people tolerate him because they need him. The unhandy person must compensate by being affable, a good host with drinks always on hand. He must suffer fools gladly, often to the point of seeming foolish himself.
 This is all introduction to my latest do-it-yourself quandary. Teresa complained that the bathroom door was squeaking. It's funny how a tolerable squeak at noon becomes like a trumpet blast at midnight. I've fixed squeaks in the past. Pop the hinge pin out with a hammer and punch, spray it with WD-40 and you're good to go. Except it didn't work. I pulled the pins again and tried bearing grease. No good.
  I could call Number two son for advice. Or I could resort to YouTube. YouTube is a blessing and a curse. It's full of seemingly effective solutions, but they tend to contradict each other. I watched a few "squeaky door" videos. They all recommended various lubricants, grease, graphite, Teflon. Finally I came across "donnydoors", a grandfatherly fellow who gave his instructions in a leisurely but precise manner. His video was over eight minute long but there was something relaxing about watching him construct a little pocket out of a paper towel to catch any drips from his spray lubricant. But before he did anything, he said to check for loose screws in the hinges. Aha! I discovered several screws were loose in my hinges and a minute later, no more squeak. I may go on to watch Donny's sagging and sticking door videos just for fun.

                                  Silent as the grave ...at midnight

1 comment:

Joe said...

Good job! Polymorphously persistent, perseverant, perspicacious, percipient. When it comes to Internet handiness resources, best stick with YouTube and avoid Urban Dictionary.