May 22, 2021 Saturday

    My Aunt Mary is dying in Chicago. She is 95. Aunt Mary was always very generous. One time she and her husband Ed sent her only sibling, my father, a large check so he could get the wooden hull of his dream boat built up in Maine. Once he had the hull, my father was able to build the rest.

   Aunt Mary was full of vim. She got a degree in phy ed at Boston University then went to Chicago where the schools required physical education every day. She met Ed there and taught at an inner city high school for the rest of her career.

   The first wedding I ever attended was Ed and Mary's. My brother Bill got to go too. Aunt Mary was Bill's godmother, which I resented, because Bill was always getting great presents from Mary. The day of the wedding, a limo picked us up at our house. It had cigarette lighters in the salon-like back seating area. The wedding itself was equally amazing. I danced all afternoon. Afterwards everyone went to my grandparent's beach cottage. The normally sedate refrigerator there was filled with a solid wall of cans of beer. Bill and I were ushered off to bed.

   Ed and Mary drove out every summer and stayed with us at the cottage. Ed always brought along a bundle of pastrami, a delicacy not available in Boston then. Ed was fun. He'd play little games with us which usually ended up with us winning enough coins for a trip to the nearby ice cream parlor.

   Before long Ed and Mary were bringing their little daughter Liz along which added to the fun. Eventually my father finished his boat, a 28' ketch. Mary loved the water and went sailing with her brother every time he went out. In 1967 my parents bought a year 'round house on the water in the same town as the cottage. One year Mary and my father sailed to Maine where Bill had settled. This was a big deal since Maine is often beset by fog and my father didn't believe that sailboats should have motors.

   Unfortunately, Uncle Ed died in 1976. But Liz and Mary continued their summer visits. Mary went sailing with her brother and Liz partied with her cousins. Liz inherited her grandmother's cottage on Lake Michigan, an hour east of Chicago, just into Michigan. When Teresa and I would drive to Boston with the three boys for our summer visits, we would often stop at Liz's cottage for a day or two of respite. Of course Mary would be there and we'd see Liz's friend Ralph too. It was great.

   Once she retired, Mary started going on extensive travels with the Roads Scholar program. She and her old teacher friends would also compete in the Senior Olympics. Once I got old enough, Mary sent me a thick packet so I too could register to compete, but I'm no Mary. Mary could be a little pushy at times. I learned that it was best to seem to agree, then fail to follow up. The passive-passive approach.

   Mary could also be precipitous. Sometimes she would go overboard in her haste, but she usually got out of any trouble. She was a good swimmer. But not always. A few years back she was enjoying a girls night out at her favorite Italian restaurant. She was in her late eighties by then and was at risk for falling and Liz was always reminding her to wait for help. But this night she didn't listen and ended up falling and breaking a hip. Two weeks later she had a massive stroke which put a crimp in her lifestyle.

   After a nursing home stay, Mary came home. She was able to get around, but her vision was reduced to a pinhole. This didn't seem to bother her. She was able to read the paper and watch her favorite sports teams. She had always attended the women's Final Four basketball tournament with her friends. When her friends got too old, Liz started going along. She's the caregiver par excellence.

   Mary made it to our son Ned's wedding two years ago, but that was her last big trip. After that she stayed home mostly. She still had her afternoon cocktail while watching Jeopardy. Then she stopped coming downstairs, and the cocktail became a mocktail. She remained in good spirits through it all. Then last week a bowel obstruction led to surgery on Monday. She has not regained consciousness and will be going on hospice in a nursing home soon.

   I know Mary would expect us to keep our spirits up no matter what.

After a good sail.