Ah, the dreaded colonoscopy. It's been ten years so I shouldn't complain. I scheduled an early one because I'm ravening after my clear liquid diet of the day before. My friend Steve picked me up at seven and dropped me at the hospital, where I was issued a backless gown and told not to tie it in the back.
I sat on the soft procedure table and one of the three nurses put several monitors on my chest and another tucked a warm blanket around me. The doctor came in. He owns hunting land near us and said he had 600 lbs. of oats in his truck for his food plots. I told him I'd take 10 lbs. for my high fiber diet.
An IV was started in my forearm, and soon the anesthesiologist was pumping the good stuff into my bloodstream. Goodnight. When I awoke an hour later, the doctor was gone and my name had disappeared from the big screen that had guided the probe through six feet of darkest me.
I worked in hospice for several years and we sometimes had a client dying of colon cancer. The elephant in the room was, if he had had the damn test, he probably wouldn't be in this fix. The procedure itself is not bad at all. Everyone agrees it's the prep the day before that's hateful. You can live on a clear diet, but it's no fun. Give me my opaque foods!
I won't bore you with details of the concoction I had to choke down last evening. Every 15 minutes I swallowed 8 ounces of the semi-viscous stuff. The liquid acts as a squeegee to empty your large intestine so the doctor will have a clear view of what's up in there. Sometimes I don't have to drink the whole 128 ounces of the fluid, but this year it was bottoms up until I got the all clear signal.
There won't be a pic today. I was issued a big glossy photo of my back channels, but showing that here would be TMI.
😉
2 comments:
You took the prolonged agony approach to downing the joyless juice. I drank my whole allotment in 15 minutes. But then, I chose to stay awake and chat with the staff during my procedure. This allowed me to monitor my own vital signs, too.
Doc Bottom is a pro!
I'm happy this is all behind you for another five years...but at what point does it fall before you again...
You drank a gallon in 15 minutes! I am shocked and awed. I can understand you wanting to be aware, but I never pass up a free nap. If I focus intently on the next procedure, I know I will not die before then.
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