Sunday, May 8, 2011

Thor Bless America

A few years back, during a midnight drive across North Dakota, I spied two pop machines glowing in the dark, one for Pepsi, one for Coke. That’s what America is all about, I thought: choice. There may only be two choices, but at least there’s a choice. Competition is always good.
When I picked up the menu in my favorite restaurant back home and ordered a Coke, the waitress said, “Is Pepsi ok?” No it’s not ok. Pepsi is cloyingly sweet, and surveys show it’s the preferred soft drink of Republicans. “You had Coke the last time I was here,” I said. It seems Pepsi had paid the restaurant a bonus to serve Pepsi exclusively. Coke had done the same thing at the other restaurant in town, the one with the lousy food. This is also what America is about: destroy your competition at all costs. I have the choice of going to the supermarket if I want Coke. I thank God Pepsi has not bought off the supermarket, because it’s my favorite supermarket in town. But what if they do, God forbid. And once they’ve managed that, they may buy off the churches too so we can only pray to Allah, or one of the Gods in the Hindu pantheon. Shakti would be a good choice. The Energy Goddess.


Wannaskawriter said...

Coke? And I took you for a sophisticate. Sorry.

Chairman Joe said...

A man gets thirsty now and then.